Using the 5 Love Languages to Reclaim Your Marriage

Understanding how the 5 Love Languages CAN and WILL improve your marriage or relationship.

As seen on the Huffington Post

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I had just returned from a four-night mission at a tiny little village on the outskirts of Zabul Province, Afghanistan when I stumbled upon this little gem. I was exhausted, hungry and in desperate need of a shower when an Army chaplain picked me up from the Blackhawk landing zone to take me back to base.

He chatted incessantly as we slowly made our way around the Kandahar Airfield and I sleepily responded with a few “uh-huh’s” while desperately hoping he would pick up the pace. He finally dropped me off in front of my chew and politely got out and helped me unload my gear before wishing me a peaceful night. As I stumbled toward the door, he quickly grabbed something out of his truck and jogged back over to me. He handed me a book and told me I looked like someone who needed some help. As he drove away, I glanced at the title and inwardly laughed…love wasn’t on my priority list.

It was a few months before the missions slowed down enough for me to have the energy to look at the book again. When I finally read it, though, I realized how much I needed that information. I was married for one short year before deploying to Afghanistan as a photo-journalist with Special Forces and my young marriage sorely suffered. We were young and in love but we had no idea how to show each other love in a language that the other person understood.

The 5 Love Languages, a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman, are really simple to understand and use on a daily basis. Stick with me so you can take the quiz. Let me walk you through the languages and I guarantee you’ll be changed forever.

Words of Affirmation: If you receive love in this language, hearing “I love You” or other unsolicited favorable compliments are very important to you. You’re not being needy…you’re just being you. In the same token, if you’re berated, belittled or spoken to rudely, it can shatter you.

Quality Time: If you receive love in this language, you don’t need to hear “I love you,” you just need someone to give you their undivided attention. It’s not as simple as just watching a movie or eating dinner together. You want someone to sit down, engage and really listen to what you have to say.

Receiving Gifts: If you receive love in this language, you get immense joy out of the thought and effort that someone else put into giving you a gift. This doesn’t make you materialistic and it doesn’t insinuate that all gifts should be expensive. You feel loved and appreciated when others’ show they understand you by giving you thoughtful and meaningful gifts. These gifts mean the most to you when you least expect them.

Acts of Service: If you receive love in this language, you feel loved when others do something to ease your responsibilities. It can be simply taking out the trash, washing the dishes, getting the fuel changed in your car or offering to do something they wouldn’t normally do.

Physical Touch: If you receive love in this language, you feel loved the most when others give you hugs, hold your hand, or physically touch you in a way that says, I’m here for you and you can depend on me. This doesn’t relate to sex. For these people, someone else’s physical presence provides a sense of safety and security.

Don’t try to guess what your love language is…go here and take this FREE quiz! It’s very accurate and I bet you might be a little surprised with your results. Can you have more than one love language? Yes. I primarily have one but my husband has two.

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The KEY to this is remembering that you have a love language and your husband has a love language. What’s the likelihood that these love languages will be the same??? I don’t have a percent for you but I haven’t met too many couples who share the same love language.

That’s why it’s crucial for BOTH of you to take the quiz and discuss your results together. Then, start practicing showing your love for your spouse or significant other in THEIR love language. This can be incredibly difficult and it will take work, time and constant reminders.

Sometimes, I still find myself wondering if I’ve shown my husband love in the way that he receives love. We’re human and it’s natural to fall back on what comes natural to us. For example, my husband’s primary love language is receiving gifts. For years, I believed my husband was very selfish and childish but now I understand this love language and I understand him (more than before at least).  It’s simple things, like bring him home his favorite candy bar, buying him something off his Amazon wish list or noticing he needs new workout clothes and purchasing them for him.

Alternatively, my husband still struggles with my love language: physical touch. He doesn’t like to hold hands (but I love it) and he isn’t a big fan of hugs. We make a joke out of it every day and he tells me I have a one-hug-a-day limit. He knows that if I’m upset, feeling stressed or really excited, what I need is a warm embrace, not a new necklace. For years he purchased jewelry for me…I’m glad he’s finally kicked that habit!

If you made it all the way to the bottom of this article, I hope that you took the time to take the quiz and that you insist your significant other takes it as well. This has truly been life-changing for me and I honestly believe my marriage is 100% better because of our mutual understanding of what the other needs in terms of expressing love.

Comment below and let me know what your love language is! I love hearing how this changes others’ mindsets and whether you’ve been practicing this all along and maybe just didn’t realize it. Interested in reading the book? Find it here on Amazon for less than $9.

Do you think others will enjoy this article or quiz? Share it!

 

**This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through one of my links I will receive a commission. For more information please see my disclosure page.**

Debra

I'm a fast-talking high school English teacher, mother of two boys (the 2nd due in March), wife to an Army Lt., and photo-journalist for the Army Reserves. I'm slightly addicted to office supplies and I easily get carried away with projects and ideas; especially for the playroom and my classroom.

22 thoughts on “Using the 5 Love Languages to Reclaim Your Marriage

  • January 16, 2016 at 4:43 am
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    I had the same score for quality time and acts of service. My husband makes me very happy when he does help me with dinner or laundry.

    Reply
    • January 16, 2016 at 1:56 pm
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      I’m glad you know your love languages! Ensure you express these to your husband, and even children, so they know how you receive love. I find myself reminding my husband sometimes that I prefer physical touch over gifts.

      Reply
  • February 3, 2016 at 8:14 pm
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    Wow I got

    10 Words of Affirmation
    6 Quality Time
    5 Acts of Service
    5 Physical Touch
    4 Receiving Gifts

    This is so true and an accurate one !
    I enjoyed reading your article 🙂
    Seriously for me words matter the most .
    Btw I’m single :p

    Reply
    • February 4, 2016 at 5:02 pm
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      I’m so glad you took the time to learn your love langauge Harpreet! Just make sure you keep this in mind when you’re communicating with other people, even your family. Notice if others are receptive to the way you’re verbalizing or showing love and affection.

      Reply
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  • February 5, 2016 at 7:47 pm
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    My husband and I took a quiz to learn about our love languages. It was spot on, and really helped our relationship to know how to ‘communicate’ love to each other in a way that was meaningful. Thanks for sharing!

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    • February 6, 2016 at 12:45 pm
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      I agree. My husband and I took the quiz nearly 8 years ago and it’s been so beneficial.

      Reply
    • February 6, 2016 at 12:44 pm
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      True, by now, you guys probably have it all figured out, even if you didn’t have a specific name to attach to what you were doing. Thank you for stopping by!!

      Reply
  • February 6, 2016 at 4:51 pm
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    I found your blog through Facebook and am so glad I did – I love your writing style … and this post. Thank you so much for sharing – so much truth in what you wrote. 🙂

    Reply
  • February 6, 2016 at 6:55 pm
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    I got quality time, nothing better than just having time to be together and chat
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    Reply
    • February 7, 2016 at 11:16 pm
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      Oh, that’s a good one! I’m glad you took the quiz!

      Reply
  • February 6, 2016 at 7:31 pm
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    That was really interesting. I’ve been with my husband for over 15 years so I the things I appreciate are acts of thoughtfulness than physical touch so the results were not surprising. It was fun to do the quiz though!

    Reply
  • February 7, 2016 at 3:41 am
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    My love language is ACTS of SERVICE … I am not surprised. Something about my man taking the initiative to make sure something is done before I notice it is so attractive. lol

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    • February 7, 2016 at 11:15 pm
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      I’m glad you took the time to take the quiz Monroe, even if you weren’t surprised. Now, though, you have a name to identify what you’ve known all along. 🙂

      Reply
  • February 11, 2016 at 6:48 pm
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    It is remarkable how each love language offers clear insights on the personality type and what they like/do. l too will keep this in mind moving forward.

    Reply
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  • March 11, 2016 at 10:23 pm
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  • July 27, 2016 at 12:43 pm
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